the loose noose

come on stephane, it's not *that* bad ...you don't have to do yourself in yet ..



(photo courtesy of reuters)

the vaccuuming

so, i think the cleaning people at work have finally taken offense to us constantly complaining about the lack of vaccuuming, or should i say the lack of physical vaccuuming.

today, the vaccuuming began at 4:45. no, this isn't disturbing at all. 4:45 is a good time to start that sort of work because most ppl are long gone from the office by then, right? so then they unlock the offices that ppl aren't in (because some ppl *do* leave that early, just not the majority) and vaccuum them and do a very meticulous job of the hallway .... but i don't think they go back to offices after ppl leave to do them. so if you're in your office when they come, you're out of luck.

yesterday i was in my office when they were doing the dusting (this happens about ... oh, once a year) ... so i missed out on that one too.

hooray for working in a dust bowl.

dear miss manners

i'm having some etiquette issues. first, i'm a huge believer in holding the door open for the person behind you - it's the polite thing to do. i get extremely angry when someone lets the door slam in my face (especially if it's one of those heavy ones that i have to use all my might in moving) ... but ....

lately there have been a few security issues in my building. like, first there were break-ins in the parking garage (i don't have a car so this didn't bother me so much). and THEN .... around christmas, some ppl were caught on video drilling holes in the bottom of the elevator doors. like, what the heck? so to try to make us feel better, they have had a security guard around at night to escort you in the elevator if you're scared. of course, i just randomly run into the security guard in the hallway and it kind of creeps me out (one of those things that if you see the policing then you are aware that policing is needed and become concerned about the reasons that policing is needed) ... and then finally there was the fire alarm that was pulled yesterday morning and aroused me from my sleep (between the snooze times on my alarm). all strange occurrences.

so to get back to the etiquette question ... i'm a little concerned about the type of ppl that seem to be roaming about my building. sometimes when i am coming or going there are ppl in the vestibule thing waiting to come in but that don't have the scan card thing to unlock the door. or just haven't been able to find it in their bag or whatever. so ... do i be courteous and unlock the door for them? or ... do i push the door shut so they can't get in? i'm so torn!

oooh, in an amusing sidebar (although this is the end of my entry - so it's more of an endbar?) .. there is a channel on my tv so we can see the ppl waiting in the vestibule. it can be amusing to watch. anyway, apparently some ppl abuse this. on new years, i witnessed someone trying to get buzzed in and be told that he had to jump up and down on one leg, close his eyes and touch his nose .. hump the carpet .. and that's where he drew the line. i felt bad for the guy at this point and finally let him in. but it made me giggle nonetheless. and .. end end bar.

p.s. espresso at night = bad

two in one day!

so ... my little sister is getting married. we've known about this for a while and the wedding's now less than a month away. crazy to think that in a few short weeks, my sister and i will no longer share a last name. but that's another issue.

anyway, she has a large wedding party (or i think it's a good size at least ... 5 on the bride's side and 5 on the groom's). on the bride's side, it is four close friends from high school and myself. and sadly - i am starting to feel a little isolated (i'm taking much comfort in the fact that i will have friends at the wedding).

all of the girls live in the home town - i live in the city. ok, to be fair, the maid of honour just moved down to the states - but she's still in charge of things. so every once in a while i get a phone call to fill me in on the details of this or that. and then when the event in question happens (for example, the buck and doe), i get to stand around like a doofus and do nothing.

so .... soon we shall have the "friends" shower and the stagette. i am dreading this. i got the phone call about the plans a couple days ago. they think that there should probably be about 25 girls .. and then i was asked if i wanted to bring a friend.

yep. it's gonna be one fun day. *resumes dread*

the winterless winter

one of the things that i've always liked about canada, and have always been sure that i would miss if i was somewhere else, is our incredibly distinct seasons. we have the lazy hazy crazy days of summer with all the heat and the suntanning on the beach then autumn hits and the trees turn spectacular hues of yellows, reds and oranges then just as the mud is setting in, winter swoops in with a wonderful blanket of white covers everything and the world is all fresh again. and of course, we get tired of the cold that accompanies the crystalline beauty and cheer as the snow melts insto spring and we get to witness the fabulous rebirth of green.

well folks .. this has been shattered. what has happened to my seasons? where are the seasons? it's the first week of january and i haven't seen snow yet! ok, i have - but only as flakes in the air or the very fine layer that covers the ground and melts the second you turn your back on it. that's not snow people, that's not snow!

perhaps there's something to this whole global warming thing - but that would just be too convenient (rather than inconvenient as al gore would have you believe). it has me re-examining things. should i be upset when things aren't living up to my expectations or, instead, should i embrace what is given and enjoy the new experiences while i have them. or maybe i should just stop thinking ... afterall, ignorance *is* bliss.

my arizona adventure

so i've spent the past week down in the valley in arizona. it's strange that it is such a different world down here - while it's the same - it's also different. during my adventure (which mostly consisted of sleeping, shopping and eating out) i've wandered here and there and seen some amazing vistas and made some observations ... among them:

everyone drives here - i mean everyone - well, aside from the few migrant workers who are going to or from work. people kept looking at me funny seeing me walking along the sidewalk - all by myself. see - the sidewalk is bare!

and if you're going to drive - you might as well drive the largest vehicle possible. suv's are somehow bigger here - i swear there are supersized models for this market only - ones we wouldn't see at home. it's crazy!

oh yes, and from the relative comfort and anonymity of the giant suv and/or pick-up, the boys find the freedom to be quite vocal. the hooting and the hollering was something i've never experienced before - aside from the occasional walk by a construction site in the summer. it's a little unnerving.

oh yes - and for future reference - they don't call it old scottsdale because of its age - but more the age of the tourists .... man i feel young. but that's a good thing, right? maybe this is the way to get me through my quarter life crisis. who knew i'd be so scared of turning 26?

passing time

it keeps on going and going. tick tock, tick tock. it seems like i might be having something interesting or artful to say, but .... no, i'm just leading you astray. i've got nothin'

but, in odd things - i was just watching a hair club for men type commercial - one where they take your own hair and replant it to where you're balding (perhaps i should get this for my brother for christmas ... i think he's past the time where rogaine would be of any help).

anyway - the real hook for this campaign - if you call now, you get free gas!

now, i'm not sure if they were talking about gasoline or perhaps just ... like gastro-intestinal type gas as a side-effect of the surgery - but that's what they were advertising. i'm pretty sure that they were talking about the former though.

it was definitely one of those disconnects. how do hair and gasoline connect? the hold is tenuous at best - when you regain hair, you want to drive in a convertible with the top down and let the wind zip through your hair (and in this case, youc an be confident in doing something like that and your hair won't fall out) - and to drive a convertible, you need gas. but that's way too much thinking to make it make sense. we the ppl need things handed to us on a silver platter - how can you expect us to think? that's just way too demanding!

an open mind

i've been having quite the discussions lately about politics with people. and yet again i'm reminded that there is no political party out there that really speaks to me. in general, i think i have two issues with political parties:

1. they seem to be a little to idealistic and do things sometimes just to prove that they believe in x ideal; and

2. they are too afraid to admit that things change and the changing world can sometimes make a policy or idea that was good at one time not be good now.

politics, in general, fascinates and frustrates me. there are so many good things about it and so many bad. because the talk of politics is so entwined in an individual's personal views and morals, it becomes a topic that is difficult to talk about openly, fairly and without fear of being rebuked. it becomes too emotional and the emotion prevents us from having those discussions that we need to have.

it saddens me that these days we don't really have that visionary, that charismatic leader to get our blood pumping. even if i don't agree with what the leader says, i'd still like there to be someone out there like that. where have all the kings of rhetoric gone? is it because there's no longer the same glory there once was? or is it because there's more opportunity in the knowledge based economy for those individuals now - that they can excel elsewhere and make a prettier penny doing it? or ... are those visionaries so fed up with our society that they've turned their back on it?

maybe i'm asking too much - because how often does a great leader come along? and how often do we see past great leaders as great simply because of the situation that they were in? would they still be great if they hadn't had to deal with that situation? would we remember them at all? i much prefer that we live in non-descript times rather than to have driven these people from the public sector ... but, you never know.

freak out 2006

i can't believe that i freaked out that much. i really had no good reason to freak out. but there i was, and i couldn't stop myself. i thought i was having a good hair day, i thought i was looking cute - but then the self-doubt kick in. had i been simply living in a dream world and this was the pinch to bring me back to reality?

i couldn't even look! i had to avert my eyes. here i am, woman (hear me roar) - and i'm left breathless in the wrong way. i thought i was doing well - i was feeling strong, confident, ambitious - i was going places. and then, for a split second, i saw it all in a different light. much like the interrogation light - bright white - it highlighted every bump, every wrinkle, every imperfection.

god - i hate bathing suit shopping...

and i'm sure i'll feel even better when i get the whole bathing cap and suit ensemble going. the funniest part - i had to shop in the "competitive swimwear" section. anyone else find that thought funny, or is it just me?

new contest!

so - you might have noticed, i changed my template. i haven't decided if i like it yet and i still am a little bit embarassed that i'm using a template in the first place. but then - my design skills aren't nearly what they used to be.

so ... out of laze, i have decided to have a new contest. huzzah! are you excited yet?

what is the contest? well, to design me a lovely new blog. i'm open to most ideas (although - i tend to prefer ones that are pretty and not x-rated) - so go ahead and do it! if you win, you get to see your lovely design every time you come to read my witty and thought provoking posts.

(hmm ... i wonder if any suckers will bite on this one ... oops ... did i type that out loud?)

fears realized

everyone has those things that they're scared of for no real good reason. there may be an explanation (weird, i just wrote explication - that's not even a word! is it?) in their past, some logical progression from no fear/indifference to petrification. but then sometimes, the fear is inexplicable.

for me, this inexplicable fear surrounds falling. well, not really falling, per se. more - having the "ground" fall from beneath me. and when i say ground, i don't mean that actual earth - i mean the suspended floors we create for ourselves - i.e., sidewalk grates, the glass floor in the cn tower, bridges, etc.

luckily, this fear isn't as bad as it used to be. i remember a time when i was basically frozen if i had to step on a grate in the sidewalk - but these have become *almost* commonplace for me now walking around the city (of course, i still *try* to avoid them, although, this is only partially motivated by fear of the grate collapsing - the other part is for my heel slipping through the grate - it's no fun to be stuck AND ruin new shoes. it's very sad, really). however, i still have some issues with the rather large bridges - i was a little shocked when i discovered the large bridge i had to cross this spring when i made my way down to wine country. but i took some deep breaths, stared ahead and gripped the steering wheel tightly and i made it across.

when talking about this fear with people, i'm always told how silly i'm being. that the floor of the cn tower just wouldn't fall out, that bridges just don't collapse. but ... they do! and that's what the unfortunate events in laval this weekend have taught us. i'm not crazy (and this is definitely going to put my fear-dealing a few steps back).

it's sad that we have things like this happen - that we can't keep up with our infrastructure needs. there seems to be this grand idea that if we keep building new infrastructure we can keep growing and growing. but what do we do when our existing infrastructure can't even be maintained? sure - shovel-digging and ribbon cutting ceremonies get you a lot better press than filling in the ever worsening pothole. sure, people complain when they aren't able to use a road because it's being redone. but ... we've gotta do it. we depend on the safety of the infrastructure provided to us - being scared of bridges collapsing under you feet/car *should* be an inexplicable fear - not a reality.

a new place

so, as i alluded to in my last post - my room mate of many years (well, like 3 ... does 3 count as many? when it's over 10% of my life and like half the time of my life since i lived with my parents, i think it counts as many years) is moving far away. result? i moved in with another friend. this weekend was moving weekend. fun? well, it wasn't that bad since none of the heavy lifting was done by me. hooray for male friends! they didn't even grumble (that much).

my new room mate is out of town for a few days - which is kind of nice because i can have the place in a huge mess as i slowly put all my stuff together. however, at the same time - it's a little eerie. i'm moving into someone's place - someone that's been living in the place for quite some time. i don't want to be overstepping the lines or anything. i haven't done that much - although there is little in the way of decorating through the place so i have added some splashes of colour, plant life, etc. ... mostly i've just worked on my bedroom and what is pretty much my bathroom (although it's kind of like the main bathroom ... the other one is an en suite to the other bedroom - so that wouldn't be too practical for guests to use).

but tomorrow - or tuesday or wednesday - depending on my schedule, i've got to start integrating more of my stuff into the kitchen. i opened up the cupboards today and saw a huge mess. i'm a little bit particular about my kitchen. my bedroom can be the biggest mess - the other rooms need to be somewhat neat and organized - but the kitchen must be well organized and well cleaned. i'm not even sure where my stuff will fit. but i'm a little scared to move too much. just like i'm scared to put pictures on the wall. i don't want to do anything offensive in my first week!

it's weird feeling like an intruder though. it's also weird to have moved. i still don't think it's quite sunk in. but then - maybe that's part of the nomad in me. i'm a rather adaptable person - and sometimes i wonder, am i too adaptable and accepting of the circumstances that life gives me?

note to self

copious amounts of white wine on a tuesday night is not a good idea.

this continues melissa & melissa's research into wine on week nights. (my partner in crime, who's soon leaving me for another country *wipes tear* discovered that a bottle of red wine on a monday is not a good idea either).

so next week, should i try wednesday with a blush?

cold feet

hah - made you think i was getting married, didn't i? but no - the title actually refers to my literally cold feet.

you'd think that if this was such a problem, i'm put on some socks. i have a rather warm pair of fuzzy pink ones ... but instead, i sit with my bare feet elevated - further exacerbating the problem. gotta love how lazy i am.

the cold feet make me sad. they're quite representative of a change in seasons. the point in time when i actually have to start wearing socks and shoes. i rather like wearing sandals/open toed shoes. but now i'll have to start squeezing my feet back into confines of boots.

it's weird that i feel so opposed to this. i think my favourite article of clothing is socks (i'm currently in the process of packing up all my clothes and have discovered that my socks fill up a gym bag - do you think perhaps i have too many?). so why then, am i loathing the thought of having to wear them every day?

... and so continues the life of the walking contradiction ...

it does exist!

so, according to the latest (well, i guess seeing as thursday is publication day, the next to latest would be the better description) issue of the economist, global warming does exist! and just when i thought all that chatter about the hockey stick was make believe!

so one and all, it's time to batten down the hatches! the warming will come! it's the truth - despite it being a little inconvenient. of course, we do have to weigh the costs of fighting global warming with the potential unknown benefits. maybe it's already too late, maybe spending billions now won't really produce a real effect anyway ... there's a lot of risk and uncertainty there. but i guess the point is that we should spend something ... just because the impact of the threat is unknown, doesn't mean you should ignore it, right?

and most of all, remember to think responsibly.

the darkness

it's strange - i never realized how dark the night really is. when i was younger, i just took it for granted that when the sun goes down, it gets black outside. as a child, i lived in the country - far away from the light cast from the street lamps. at night, it was dark. it was comforting in a way to know that we were so far removed from the evils and dangers of society. the most dangerous thing hiding out there was the crickets chirping or the occasional skunk snuffling for some grubs to eat.

it was quite different for me then, when i moved into town and had a single street light right outside of my window. even with the blinds shut, the light filtered through. it never seemed like it was truly night, but i adjusted. and as i moved here and there, from the small town, to the small city to the bigger city (well, i guess this is kind of a big city seeing as it is in the top five in north america or something like that, in terms of population of course)

now it seems that everything's turned around. i find it somewhat comforting that the whole city glows at night - that i can see where people are and decipher whether or not they're threatening. i go back to the country every now and then to spend the night, and when i peer into the darkness ... it's all changed. it scares me. well, that's not exactly correct. it's not the dark that scares me so much - it's what might be hiding within it. it's weird how our perceptions change.

p.s. question of the week - if one part of a girl-guy friendship is attracted to the other, can they ever have a truly platonic relationship? is it too much to desire a truly platonic relationship? or is that just an oxy moron, a figment of our imaginations?

judgement

lately, it seems to be bugging me when people say something about another's appearance and then say, "not that looks matter" or something of that kind. what a load of crap.

i think i want to go on the record now (although, i may recant in the future) - but looks do matter.

we as humans have 5 senses ... we have to use these senses to make decisions, judgements, discriminate. depending on the situation, we are limited in which senses we can use to help guide our judgements. with people, we've got sight, sound and smell (and as long as you don't give the person the no feeling, touch). i guess you have taste too - but that's for a more, uh, intimiate type of judgement.

i guess it gets me that we have absolutely no problem with discriminating against people on their smell. if someone has bad b.o., it leads us to believe that they don't have good hygiene and perhaps they're someone that we want to stay away from. maybe we think this is an ok judgement to make because smell is something that a person can work on, can mask, can change.

so then why isn't it ok to judge based on appearances? appearances are something that one can change. i'm not talking about drastic changes that require surgery - but rather other things that are simple. clothes, hair style, cleanliness, posture, etc. it's weird, but if someone dresses well, holds himself well - that shines out despite the good (or bad) looks that god gave him. and is it really so bad to judge on that?

we are visual beings after all, right?

or maybe i'm reading too much rand :S

tv show heaven

i'm the type of person who finishes what she starts. in fact, i'm sort of anal about it. if i pick up a book, i'll slog through it - no matter how disinteresting i find it or how much i don't like it. it might take me a long time, but i finish it. heck, my first hemingway (for whome the bell tolls) took me numerous starts and five years to actually complete. but, the point is, i finished it.

so this is why i sometimes find tv so difficult. you start watching a new show, it's got a hook - a mystery. sure, it's not all that *great* - but you've put in your time, you've watched one, two ... maybe even four or five episodes. and then - just like kaiser soze - it's gone.

i feel cheated, incomplete. you can't just pull the story out from under me. sure, it wasn't getting the ratings the big execs had hoped (and the sad part is, sometimes it can still be getting great ratings, just not relatively so against other shows in the time slot - like when family guy was put up to compete with friends and survivor ... yes, that's definitely a good spot for a new show to grow and thrive ... ). sometimes these shows are even still out there, they've been filmed - just never aired. they hang in limbo where no one can get them. and i stay here, teetering, hanging on a cliff.

but maybe, with the advancement of technology and the morphing of consumer tastes and growth of comfort watching tv streamed or downloaded from the internet, this can change. maybe the shows that now go into tv limbo could go to tv heaven - people could download them at their leisure and not be left for such a lurch. heck, cult followings might even be created for shows. it will bring a whole new dimension, market for stories told in episode form.

alas, i'm afraid it's just all a pipe dream.

yay me!

i did it! finally!

i moved downtown almost two years ago - and since that time i've been telling myself that i should go to the carlton. i walk by it often enough. i figured it could be a test to see if i could handle going to a movie by myself. sure, going to a movie by myself is nothing like eating by myself (sans book) - but it's all about the baby steps (see the below post).

i can't say that my first experience at the carlton was something to write home about. the movie started late, there were technical difficulties so they had to stop it half way through and i think we kept missing a little bit of the footage. however, they did make up for it by giving me a free pass for next time.

and i'm sure you're wondering what i went to see - well, it was a showing of thank you for smoking, which i found rather amusing - i'm sure it would have been even better had i seen the film in its entirety and if there wasn't a break in the middle and if the vertical alignment wasn't messed up for a few minutes - better luck next time.

confession

what i'm about to tell you all is by no means a signal that i want to get married and have kids right now, as much as it may seem to be. i'm enjoying life right now - and in no way am i ready for that "next stage" of life. i think i still have a few commitment issues to be dealing with - but i assume those will dissipate when the time comes. however, i do feel that i've made a teeny weeny baby step closer towards it.

whenever i've pictured my future, i've assumed i would have 2 kids (except for a phase in high school where i decided i wouldn't have kids. apparently i told my mom about this plan at that time - and now she thinks that i never want to have kids, which works well for me b/c that means no pressure for grandkids - or not yet at least. but then again, i'm only 25 - who knows what the coming years will bring)

so back to my original assumption - i can see these two kids - a girl with long ringletty hair and a cute little boy. both of them had the blond(e) hair and the blue eyes. this works well for me, being blond(ish - more blonde as a child) and blue-ish eyed myself. however - i've always been attracted to dark eyed, dark haired guys - you know the type that would be unlikely to produce a little blond, blue-eyed children. and the blondish, blueish eyed men? well - i never found them all that pretty ...

until now. is this a sign? am i entering a new phase in my life? or am i just bored with the same old type of guy and want to taste a new colour in the rainbow?

wow this is pretty personal - i guess the real question is will i have the guts to publish this? and if i do ... how long will i let it stay up?