confession

what i'm about to tell you all is by no means a signal that i want to get married and have kids right now, as much as it may seem to be. i'm enjoying life right now - and in no way am i ready for that "next stage" of life. i think i still have a few commitment issues to be dealing with - but i assume those will dissipate when the time comes. however, i do feel that i've made a teeny weeny baby step closer towards it.

whenever i've pictured my future, i've assumed i would have 2 kids (except for a phase in high school where i decided i wouldn't have kids. apparently i told my mom about this plan at that time - and now she thinks that i never want to have kids, which works well for me b/c that means no pressure for grandkids - or not yet at least. but then again, i'm only 25 - who knows what the coming years will bring)

so back to my original assumption - i can see these two kids - a girl with long ringletty hair and a cute little boy. both of them had the blond(e) hair and the blue eyes. this works well for me, being blond(ish - more blonde as a child) and blue-ish eyed myself. however - i've always been attracted to dark eyed, dark haired guys - you know the type that would be unlikely to produce a little blond, blue-eyed children. and the blondish, blueish eyed men? well - i never found them all that pretty ...

until now. is this a sign? am i entering a new phase in my life? or am i just bored with the same old type of guy and want to taste a new colour in the rainbow?

wow this is pretty personal - i guess the real question is will i have the guts to publish this? and if i do ... how long will i let it stay up?