fears realized

everyone has those things that they're scared of for no real good reason. there may be an explanation (weird, i just wrote explication - that's not even a word! is it?) in their past, some logical progression from no fear/indifference to petrification. but then sometimes, the fear is inexplicable.

for me, this inexplicable fear surrounds falling. well, not really falling, per se. more - having the "ground" fall from beneath me. and when i say ground, i don't mean that actual earth - i mean the suspended floors we create for ourselves - i.e., sidewalk grates, the glass floor in the cn tower, bridges, etc.

luckily, this fear isn't as bad as it used to be. i remember a time when i was basically frozen if i had to step on a grate in the sidewalk - but these have become *almost* commonplace for me now walking around the city (of course, i still *try* to avoid them, although, this is only partially motivated by fear of the grate collapsing - the other part is for my heel slipping through the grate - it's no fun to be stuck AND ruin new shoes. it's very sad, really). however, i still have some issues with the rather large bridges - i was a little shocked when i discovered the large bridge i had to cross this spring when i made my way down to wine country. but i took some deep breaths, stared ahead and gripped the steering wheel tightly and i made it across.

when talking about this fear with people, i'm always told how silly i'm being. that the floor of the cn tower just wouldn't fall out, that bridges just don't collapse. but ... they do! and that's what the unfortunate events in laval this weekend have taught us. i'm not crazy (and this is definitely going to put my fear-dealing a few steps back).

it's sad that we have things like this happen - that we can't keep up with our infrastructure needs. there seems to be this grand idea that if we keep building new infrastructure we can keep growing and growing. but what do we do when our existing infrastructure can't even be maintained? sure - shovel-digging and ribbon cutting ceremonies get you a lot better press than filling in the ever worsening pothole. sure, people complain when they aren't able to use a road because it's being redone. but ... we've gotta do it. we depend on the safety of the infrastructure provided to us - being scared of bridges collapsing under you feet/car *should* be an inexplicable fear - not a reality.