zzzz

i remember when there used to be a time when it seemed i'd be able to write a blog every day. i wonder what happened to those times. i figure that there's one of two possible reasons: either i'm too involved in life or not involved enough. that is, i'm too busy or just not interesting enough. i sure hope it's the former and not the latter.

so tonight i did a baking experiment. i was baking cookies. then i realized that i only had baking powder and no baking soda ... now for those of you who know your baking, you'll realize how wrong that is. i don't want my cookies to be all puffy or anything. so i decided to try to make blondies (the vanilla version of brownies) instead. i don't know if they quite got baked all the way through - there might have been too much butter in them. either way, they smell good. i hope they're not horrible - i'm supposed to take some tomorrow for our winter tea and munch at work.

i find it kind of exciting to experiment with baking. i experiment with cooking all the time - but never with baking. baking has always been straight forward and methodical for me. maybe that's why i turn to it when i am stressing out - it provides structure - one that i don't have to decide on or think about. but, i am liking this throwing all caution to the wind and trying to make my own creation thing. i just worry it won't turn out well.

i think that's one of the reasons that i don't experiment with baking and i do with cooking - i generally am the only one that eats my cooking (i.e. i cook for one) but i try to share my baking (it seems wrong for one person to chow down on 4 dozen fresh cookies) ... i don't mind experimenting when i'm the only judge, but i don't want to disappoint others.

what is it with us that we always want to please others? even if it is only subconscious. i think it goes back to us being social creatures - pleasing others means fitting into society and decreases the likelihood of being austracized from that society. but that's just my one theory.

ok, night night.

confused

ok, yes, i must admit, that i am confused most of the time. but it's only worse when people create confusing situations and put me right the smack dab in the middle of it.

so here it is ... i know i should actually be embarassed or something about this ... but i'm not ... i should probably be angry about this ... but i'm not ... even frustrated or perturbed would be an appropriate emotion, but i'm not ... i'm just a little confused.

i guess to protect the identity of the innocent ... i shall mask the actual names of those involved ... i'm sure you'll marvel at my clever pseudonyms.

so one friday, girl y meets boy x. y and x talk for a while and eventually, have to part ways. before x leaves y, he asks for her number. she thinks about it and does oblige him. ok, nothing out of the ordinary here.

y is surprised when she receives a phone call from x the following tuesday. they talk for a while and then at the end of the conversation, he suggests they get together sometime. again, she thinks about it and obliges him ... carpe diem, right? he asks what a good night is for her ... he says he's good for thursday, and lucky for him, that's pretty much her only free day for the next week.

so it's thursday night. x said he would phone y around 7 and then they could decide where to go from there. so after work, x goes out for some pool and some drinks with her co-workers. she keeps her cellphone nearby for when x calls. by 8, it's apparent he won't call so she continues on her merry way with her co-workers for more drinks and some thai food.

so ... here's the question ... why does x initiate all conversation, make a date ...make time arrangements surrounding the date and then just not call at all? it's not like y forced him into it. she didn't even know if she really wanted to go on the date and frankly she's not too bothered that it didn't happen. mostly, she's just confused as to why he'd make a date and then just disappear.

unless when he said thursday he meant friday? *shrugs*

ah well.

who wants to marry an american?

http://www.marryanamerican.ca

so i was checking through the profiles (out of curiousity, more than real interest - i swear! i'm not that desperate .... yet)

most of the profiles seem to be of rather unappealing canadian women ... hooray for having a web site to showcase the desperation of the cat women of the great white north.

the site urges canadians to pledge to sacrifice their singlehood to help our neighbours to the south escape four more years of cowboy conservatism ... but my question is .. what happens when dubya's reign inevitably ends (seeing as he's in his second and therefore last term) ... will your southern spouse leave you? and isn't this just really encouraging greencard fraud? i saw that movie - i know it's wrong (although, i also know that sometimes in the end, you'll actually fall in love ..)

animal instincts

no .. not that kind of animal instinct. geesh.

anyway, my illustrious partner in crime and i are pet-sitting once again. this time it's a rather cute cat named jingles. sure, we're not supposed to have pets in our new apartment, but it is just for a week (although, i'd like to keep her indefinitely - i don't think her owner would like that too much though) - we told our landlords about it and they were rather worried, they seem to be under the impression that cats are very destructive and will ruin the place and that they are very very smelly and the smell will never leave the apartment.

so back to my real story. tonight, there was a huge crash. i went to check it out, but couldn't find anything that had fallen. the cat had decided to take up a post outside my bedroom door. she kept sticking her nose in my bedroom but then would back out very quickly in a somewhat frightened/startled state. she crouched down by the door frame - staring down the hinges. now, i know cats like to pounce - but usually i see them pouncing for fun, and see that they have an actual target on which they are pouncing. neither applied to jingles. she was very intent and very serious. it was very strange.

i walked back down the hall ... and she stayed there, staring at nothing ... occasionally making a move towards the door and then backing up in that same startled manner. i called her to come back to the living room and she did ... but only for a minute and then she returned to her post. she was there for like 10 minutes. it was very strange, very creepy.

i believe that animals have much better instincts than humans. well, either that or they actually listen to their instincts while we let other things make our decisions - logic, guilt, hope, fear ... etc. it really makes me wonder what she was frightened of. hmm ... i really shouldn't be writing things like this before i go to bed - it will give me nightmares. she's here on my bed now and happy and sleeping though, so that means everything's all right ... right?

gubernatorially yours

choice a or choice b?

i only have 18 minutes remaining on my battery ... however will i make a decision?

i think if i were american, politics would make me apathetic, much moreso than in canadian politics.

there's always the notion that what happens in american politics will have huge impacts on canada .. but, as an individual .. on a micro level, i just don't see it - i don't feel it. how do you feel the impact of a government? if they give you money/services or take money(taxes)/services, then you feel the impact.

but maybe this (new?) administration will change my view on that. you never know.