an open mind

i've been having quite the discussions lately about politics with people. and yet again i'm reminded that there is no political party out there that really speaks to me. in general, i think i have two issues with political parties:

1. they seem to be a little to idealistic and do things sometimes just to prove that they believe in x ideal; and

2. they are too afraid to admit that things change and the changing world can sometimes make a policy or idea that was good at one time not be good now.

politics, in general, fascinates and frustrates me. there are so many good things about it and so many bad. because the talk of politics is so entwined in an individual's personal views and morals, it becomes a topic that is difficult to talk about openly, fairly and without fear of being rebuked. it becomes too emotional and the emotion prevents us from having those discussions that we need to have.

it saddens me that these days we don't really have that visionary, that charismatic leader to get our blood pumping. even if i don't agree with what the leader says, i'd still like there to be someone out there like that. where have all the kings of rhetoric gone? is it because there's no longer the same glory there once was? or is it because there's more opportunity in the knowledge based economy for those individuals now - that they can excel elsewhere and make a prettier penny doing it? or ... are those visionaries so fed up with our society that they've turned their back on it?

maybe i'm asking too much - because how often does a great leader come along? and how often do we see past great leaders as great simply because of the situation that they were in? would they still be great if they hadn't had to deal with that situation? would we remember them at all? i much prefer that we live in non-descript times rather than to have driven these people from the public sector ... but, you never know.

freak out 2006

i can't believe that i freaked out that much. i really had no good reason to freak out. but there i was, and i couldn't stop myself. i thought i was having a good hair day, i thought i was looking cute - but then the self-doubt kick in. had i been simply living in a dream world and this was the pinch to bring me back to reality?

i couldn't even look! i had to avert my eyes. here i am, woman (hear me roar) - and i'm left breathless in the wrong way. i thought i was doing well - i was feeling strong, confident, ambitious - i was going places. and then, for a split second, i saw it all in a different light. much like the interrogation light - bright white - it highlighted every bump, every wrinkle, every imperfection.

god - i hate bathing suit shopping...

and i'm sure i'll feel even better when i get the whole bathing cap and suit ensemble going. the funniest part - i had to shop in the "competitive swimwear" section. anyone else find that thought funny, or is it just me?

new contest!

so - you might have noticed, i changed my template. i haven't decided if i like it yet and i still am a little bit embarassed that i'm using a template in the first place. but then - my design skills aren't nearly what they used to be.

so ... out of laze, i have decided to have a new contest. huzzah! are you excited yet?

what is the contest? well, to design me a lovely new blog. i'm open to most ideas (although - i tend to prefer ones that are pretty and not x-rated) - so go ahead and do it! if you win, you get to see your lovely design every time you come to read my witty and thought provoking posts.

(hmm ... i wonder if any suckers will bite on this one ... oops ... did i type that out loud?)

fears realized

everyone has those things that they're scared of for no real good reason. there may be an explanation (weird, i just wrote explication - that's not even a word! is it?) in their past, some logical progression from no fear/indifference to petrification. but then sometimes, the fear is inexplicable.

for me, this inexplicable fear surrounds falling. well, not really falling, per se. more - having the "ground" fall from beneath me. and when i say ground, i don't mean that actual earth - i mean the suspended floors we create for ourselves - i.e., sidewalk grates, the glass floor in the cn tower, bridges, etc.

luckily, this fear isn't as bad as it used to be. i remember a time when i was basically frozen if i had to step on a grate in the sidewalk - but these have become *almost* commonplace for me now walking around the city (of course, i still *try* to avoid them, although, this is only partially motivated by fear of the grate collapsing - the other part is for my heel slipping through the grate - it's no fun to be stuck AND ruin new shoes. it's very sad, really). however, i still have some issues with the rather large bridges - i was a little shocked when i discovered the large bridge i had to cross this spring when i made my way down to wine country. but i took some deep breaths, stared ahead and gripped the steering wheel tightly and i made it across.

when talking about this fear with people, i'm always told how silly i'm being. that the floor of the cn tower just wouldn't fall out, that bridges just don't collapse. but ... they do! and that's what the unfortunate events in laval this weekend have taught us. i'm not crazy (and this is definitely going to put my fear-dealing a few steps back).

it's sad that we have things like this happen - that we can't keep up with our infrastructure needs. there seems to be this grand idea that if we keep building new infrastructure we can keep growing and growing. but what do we do when our existing infrastructure can't even be maintained? sure - shovel-digging and ribbon cutting ceremonies get you a lot better press than filling in the ever worsening pothole. sure, people complain when they aren't able to use a road because it's being redone. but ... we've gotta do it. we depend on the safety of the infrastructure provided to us - being scared of bridges collapsing under you feet/car *should* be an inexplicable fear - not a reality.