the darkness

it's strange - i never realized how dark the night really is. when i was younger, i just took it for granted that when the sun goes down, it gets black outside. as a child, i lived in the country - far away from the light cast from the street lamps. at night, it was dark. it was comforting in a way to know that we were so far removed from the evils and dangers of society. the most dangerous thing hiding out there was the crickets chirping or the occasional skunk snuffling for some grubs to eat.

it was quite different for me then, when i moved into town and had a single street light right outside of my window. even with the blinds shut, the light filtered through. it never seemed like it was truly night, but i adjusted. and as i moved here and there, from the small town, to the small city to the bigger city (well, i guess this is kind of a big city seeing as it is in the top five in north america or something like that, in terms of population of course)

now it seems that everything's turned around. i find it somewhat comforting that the whole city glows at night - that i can see where people are and decipher whether or not they're threatening. i go back to the country every now and then to spend the night, and when i peer into the darkness ... it's all changed. it scares me. well, that's not exactly correct. it's not the dark that scares me so much - it's what might be hiding within it. it's weird how our perceptions change.

p.s. question of the week - if one part of a girl-guy friendship is attracted to the other, can they ever have a truly platonic relationship? is it too much to desire a truly platonic relationship? or is that just an oxy moron, a figment of our imaginations?

judgement

lately, it seems to be bugging me when people say something about another's appearance and then say, "not that looks matter" or something of that kind. what a load of crap.

i think i want to go on the record now (although, i may recant in the future) - but looks do matter.

we as humans have 5 senses ... we have to use these senses to make decisions, judgements, discriminate. depending on the situation, we are limited in which senses we can use to help guide our judgements. with people, we've got sight, sound and smell (and as long as you don't give the person the no feeling, touch). i guess you have taste too - but that's for a more, uh, intimiate type of judgement.

i guess it gets me that we have absolutely no problem with discriminating against people on their smell. if someone has bad b.o., it leads us to believe that they don't have good hygiene and perhaps they're someone that we want to stay away from. maybe we think this is an ok judgement to make because smell is something that a person can work on, can mask, can change.

so then why isn't it ok to judge based on appearances? appearances are something that one can change. i'm not talking about drastic changes that require surgery - but rather other things that are simple. clothes, hair style, cleanliness, posture, etc. it's weird, but if someone dresses well, holds himself well - that shines out despite the good (or bad) looks that god gave him. and is it really so bad to judge on that?

we are visual beings after all, right?

or maybe i'm reading too much rand :S

tv show heaven

i'm the type of person who finishes what she starts. in fact, i'm sort of anal about it. if i pick up a book, i'll slog through it - no matter how disinteresting i find it or how much i don't like it. it might take me a long time, but i finish it. heck, my first hemingway (for whome the bell tolls) took me numerous starts and five years to actually complete. but, the point is, i finished it.

so this is why i sometimes find tv so difficult. you start watching a new show, it's got a hook - a mystery. sure, it's not all that *great* - but you've put in your time, you've watched one, two ... maybe even four or five episodes. and then - just like kaiser soze - it's gone.

i feel cheated, incomplete. you can't just pull the story out from under me. sure, it wasn't getting the ratings the big execs had hoped (and the sad part is, sometimes it can still be getting great ratings, just not relatively so against other shows in the time slot - like when family guy was put up to compete with friends and survivor ... yes, that's definitely a good spot for a new show to grow and thrive ... ). sometimes these shows are even still out there, they've been filmed - just never aired. they hang in limbo where no one can get them. and i stay here, teetering, hanging on a cliff.

but maybe, with the advancement of technology and the morphing of consumer tastes and growth of comfort watching tv streamed or downloaded from the internet, this can change. maybe the shows that now go into tv limbo could go to tv heaven - people could download them at their leisure and not be left for such a lurch. heck, cult followings might even be created for shows. it will bring a whole new dimension, market for stories told in episode form.

alas, i'm afraid it's just all a pipe dream.